Just When You Need to Look For Hope This Christmas

Once before I saw a lady in the bus seated all by herself by the window- she looked so sad and her eyes weepy. I wondered what could be troubling her? After I looked at her, I switched direction and concluded that after all, it's not my business. I didn't even know her. That scene happened again, just yesterday. But this time, it's me who's looking so far away. It's like a case of déjà vu but the moment was real; clinging close to my chest; immersing me right into the moment. In as much as I didn't want to cry, tears were streaming down my cheeks; uncontrollably, silently, and shamelessly covering my face that I felt like it's so inappropriate at this time of the year to be crying. I should be happy, right?... Well, I can choose to be happy but at that moment in the bus, something within me just can't stop from expressing what I was feeling deep down into the very chambers of my heart. Once I was already aware that I was riding the bus and there were strangers around me, I quickly wiped the tears away with my favourite scarf that's been keeping me warm and cozy all throughout that cold afternoon. I tried to stiffen up a lip as if everything's just fine. Hopefully, everything will just be fine.

When I took off the bus in the heart of downtown Winnipeg, I was already walking in the midst of a myriad of different people. I can feel the happiness ensuing in the many shopping bags they were holding for Christmas but the sense of sadness was so strong; it's like it's floating in the air that I can almost grasp it with my hand but it's invisible. Why would I care to grasp it? Sadness is surely one thing that I wouldn't want to hold on to; but sometimes, it’s just there and it helps to acknowledge it.

People are so busy buying gifts for themselves and for their loved ones, and I already did my share, too. I'm glad that I've done my shopping already, at least I only have my hubby and two wonderful angels (and some friends), to give gifts to. Christmas cards were already given out and the 'joy' of Christmas is building up- I simply can't wait for it, and go about with our family tradition of baking our ever favourite fresh apple pie topped with ice-cream, some baked goodies, and cooking up some fave dishes for the season. As I think about these things, I feel happy and so blessed to have a family of my own- even though we're living far away from our parents and siblings, who would also want to be around us at this time of the year. Every single thing that we hear about this season from the people we love is good; but what if the news that you hear about yourself isn't?... How will you take it?... How will you react to it?... How can you explain it to the people you love? Will you simply deny it and go about with the merry-making of the holidays? Somehow, it's still there lingering in your thoughts. It's something that needs to be dealt with. How you handle it, really counts.

I have gone through personal tragedies in my life that I know how it feels to be in such situations. In return, my compassion for others who are suffering in a similar situation or feeling the same things that I've felt or have been feeling, simply increases.

These past two years of being a full-time student have given me the opportunity to be young again as a student who's flocked with other happy people who are so full of life and whose dreams and hopes for the future are something that you can almost touch. Frankly, it's like magic. But what makes me different from them is my load of responsibilities as a homemaker, a wife, and as a parent. Despite of my obligations, I am so blessed to have a husband who is so supportive. He's the one wearing the apron now so I can concentrate on being a student and attend to the rigours and demands of my full-time program. How could my life be possible without him? I simply couldn't imagine.

My coming back to school is not in vain but it's out of need. I already have my degree long time ago but I needed to upgrade myself so I can get a better job; not for me, but for my family. Like other parents, I have dreams for my family and for my children who also look up to me. It's also my responsibility to give them a better future and so I sacrificed my time with them; the many moments when they had their field trips when I should have been around to show my support, or in other activities which I used to attend to, before coming back to school but just possibly can't.

Our set-up now is just temporary, I know; and we just have a few more months to go before school is over. I know that I'm close to achieving my goal and I can almost feel it. The grades I got (most of it are As and one course is an A+) is something I am proud of not because I've 'achieved it' but because it's a reflection of our sacrifices as a family. It's the kind of teamwork that we've been doing since I started school in 2009. I can almost smile now because my late nights are paying off. The short sleeps I have (5 hours at the most) and some nights, I didn't get to sleep at all didn't happen for no reason. Whatever little successes I have as a result of my studies is a symbol of endurance and the unending support and understanding of my two little girls, who would often try to understand and comprehend, "Why does mommy have to go to school again?"... in their young minds, they know that I am doing this for them and not for myself.

We have our hopes and dreams as a family, and I have my own hopes and dreams for my own children but when the results came out that the possibility that it recurs again, (just a few days away from Christmas) is something that I need to put into perspective now. Once again, I have to look for that bright light that has been leading me all these years. It's hard to take but I am coping. I have been a survivor once (or have been a survivor in many instances) and I know that deep within, this is no time to give up. I have a semester to go and I'm close to getting my diploma; I have an art event coming up and I know that countless of homeless people (who are genuinely in need) will surely benefit from this event; I still hope to get a good PR job in the near future and will be happy to be working with great people; I still hope to have that much-awaited vacation with my family who's been beside me all these years.

Life still goes on, and I choose to be happy. How ironic it is that my event is called "Colours of Hope," but I am one person who has so much hope to share (and who is in need of hope at this time). But now since it's Christmas, it is my prayer to have many fruitful years ahead of me so I can be part of that hope for others to take.

Story on Sexual Ambiguity Goes Skin Deep in Winter's "Annabel"

Here is a book review that I did for my Canadian Literature course. We were told to choose and read a recent work by a Canadian author, who's nominated in this year's Giller Prize. Here is my book review on the novel Annabel by Kathleen Winter. A book which I chose to give a review on, and I think I wasn't disappointed. Read on and you'll find it interesting.

Books on the subject of intersex are not common. Annabel, a debut novel by Montreal-resident Kathleen Winter, devotes her strength trying not to explain the medical condition, but focuses instead on probing the dilemma and challenges of sexuality and self-knowledge in a world where there are fixed gender roles. It is a novel that revolves around the territory of human emotions and a person’s journey to self-discovery.

Set in the pristine and ethereal beauty of Croydon Harbour, Labrador in the 1970s and 1980s, Wayne Blake was born with two genitals.  His parents, Treadway and Jacinta, and their neighbour Thomasina, are the only people who know about the baby’s condition. Soon after the baby’s birth, Treadway decides to raise the child as a boy in the male-dominated hunting culture of Labrador. While Wayne is growing up, Jacinta and Thomasina nurture his female side in their own respective ways. Wayne’s true sexuality is unknown to him but his latent female side is manifesting and can’t be ignored. Already an adult, Wayne moves to St. John’s in his quest to rediscover his true self. Despite the odds and the pain he experiences, Wayne emerges to be more courageous than the people around him.

The novel brings its reader into the characters’ emotional journey and humanity. It is not a grave attempt to explain the medical side of intersex or the condition known as hermaphroditism, but it gives the reader an intimate portrait of a person struggling to live an identity which the society views as a big mistake. The story also covers other conventional issues such as the breakdown of a family due to a married couple’s lack of communication as seen in the life of Treadway and Jacinta; and the contrasting pull between rural and urban life.

Author Kathleen Winter was raised in Newfoundland and now lives in Montreal with her husband and two daughters. She loves to read since when she was a child and says that she wanted to be a writer from the time she learned how to read. Kathleen used to write a weekly column for St. John’s Telegram; wrote for television and CBC documentaries; and wrote segments and songs for Sesame Street. Although Annabel is her debut novel, Kathleen wrote her first book, boYs which is a collection of short stories. Winter’s debut novel Annabel is the only book nominated for all three major literary prizes in Canada for 2010: the Giller Prize, the Governor-General’s Literary Award for English fiction and the Rogers Writers’ Trust Fiction Prize.

Winter’s Annabel is inspired by her first visit to North West River, Labrador while working as a journalist for CBC, where she learned of several people who were born with hermaphroditism. From that point, Winter wrote her thirty-page story. She revealed that she didn’t know so much about the subject beforehand but it was a constant discovery and learning for her while writing the book.

Annabel is written in such a fashion that it’s like a fascinating lyrical prose. Readers can vividly taste, smell, feel, touch and experience the uniqueness and raw beauty of Labrador. The words simply jump off the pages of the book, giving readers a rich perspective into the lives of the characters and their unique situations. The novel is a third-person narrative and started with a prologue that describes the mythical allure of a white caribou seen through the eyes of Annabel, before she and her blind father fell into the water and drowned to death. The incident sets as an undertone of what could be the possible conflict or goal of the central character. The white caribou is also meant to be a metaphor to suggest the self-discovery of Wayne, who is the central character in the novel. The story progresses at a slow pace, in which the author is trying to narrate every possible milestone in Wayne’s childhood days. There are a few scenes in the novel which I think wouldn’t matter if it were omitted because those few scenes hardly contribute to the development of the plot. The ending on the other hand stays away from the usual storybook formula where resolutions are given. Rather the readers are left to draw their own conclusions of what could be the fate of all the characters. Readers are left with a glimpse into the characters’ individual situations. Each one is constantly evolving and changing. Every character shows a glimmer of hope despite of a past that was painted with despair and the harshness of life.

Annabel is a novel that manifests a lot of the traditional conventions found in modern literature. It has a straightforward plot and there is an emphasis on the individual’s inner thoughts and feelings as seen in the character of Wayne and that of the other main characters including Treadway and Jacinta. There is also a good portion of the story where time is seen from the perspective of the character especially in the case of Treadway who spends most of his time in the terrains of Labrador. The story has an open ending which is more representative of what reality is. After reading the novel, readers will find that this story is a celebration of inner strength in the face of adversity.

Since Winter’s objective is not to give a full explanation of what intersex is all about, she achieves in drawing the emotions and humanity of the characters to her readers. As in the character of Treadway, he’s known to be an expert hunter and good provider, despite the fact that he’s silent and inexpressive of his emotions and thoughts towards his wife and son. But as the story progresses especially in the last few chapters of the book, one can see Treadway’s transition into a sympathetic and understanding father, who finally accepts his son for who he really is.

Adult readers who find how people handle adversities and their personal struggles interesting, might find Annabel just the perfect book to read. Readers don’t necessarily have to have prior knowledge on intersex in order to understand the book. It has always been the author’s intention to draw the human side of the story and dwell into the territory of each character’s emotions.

The language used is simple which makes it easy to understand. It’s not written in a scholarly fashion where words are hard to grasp, nor was it written with medical terms that could easily turn-off a vast majority of potential readers. I admire the novel for the way it is written and presented. It is unpretentious and bears so much reality in it, that one can relate in some way or the other, with each of the character’s loneliness. The subject of intersex may be of great interest already to anyone who hardly knows what it’s all about; but the other issues involved merit the novel a good number of readers.

Kathleen Winter’s Annabel is a unique and moving story that appeals to anyone who is in a search for a good and inspiring read. This is not a story of pure sorrow but a story of triumph that celebrates the courage and hope in every person, to express the true self within. Annabel is a must-read this 2010 and will serve as a good addition to anyone’s library of contemporary Canadian literary works.         

Human Rights Complaint May Lead to a New Direction

The Winnipeg Free Press covered the news on New Directions which already filed a human rights complaint against the Rural Municipality of Springfield for preventing two intellectually disabled men from living in the community.

It was a month ago when I discussed this issue as my 'PR in the News' presentation in class and before I started my presentation, I gave a scenario to my classmates that should they have a new neighbour living next to them who's intellectually and/or physically challenged (and a male at that), would they ever allow it?... The answer was a strong 'yes.'

The presentation and discussion lasted for almost an hour and I wouldn't be surprised if there was great sympathy towards the two intellectually challenged males and their families who are being 'rejected' by the area residents of the RM of Springfield.

There was certainly a level of ignorance by those who rejected the application filed by New Directions to  rezone its property from residential to institutional so it can be allowed to operate its group home in that community. Ignorance in respect to the real conditions being experienced by these two developmentally challenged individuals; that they are not criminals nor sexual predators but two intellectually and physically challenged individuals who have genuine needs and who require 24-hour assistance from their caregivers.  The issue also lies on the ignorance of some (or probably most) people on the operations of New Directions and its extensive range of services to children, youth, adults, and families of Winnipeg; providing counselling, assessment, education and training, and providing residential and support programs. The organization's services may be too extensive but it's definitely an organization that is meant to help and support people, as well as an agency that makes a difference in the lives of many Winnipeggers.

Given the benefit of the doubt, there could be some or many area residents who are aware of the operations of New Directions but have simply shunned themselves from the idea of allowing the organization to house two intellectually challenged men. The area residents do have legitimate concerns and I am not disregarding this. They have chosen to live and buy properties in the RM of Springfield because of its country-like settig - peaceful, quiet, and away from the hustle and bustle of city-life including the fact that the area doesn't have the presence of industrial businesses. But somehow what we're talking about here is allowing two intelletually and developmentally challenged individuals who would benefit from the quiet and country-like environment, that will be helpful in their overall health and ongoing treatment.

In our class discussion, it's possible that people may have a negative perception on the term 'group home' that it is always associated with troubled teens who may be uncontrollable and who may have been involved in drugs and several crimes. The community may be worried because of this and it simply wants to leave things as it is and is just concerned to keep their community quiet and safe especially in the years to come.

Based on my research from the news and information that I've gathered in preparation for my presentation, New Directions gave out information about its intention to put up a group home in that neighbourhood and its applicationn to rezone the property, but as to how the information was disseminated or shared (whether the organization printed flyers or letters) is still a mystery to me. I was also thinking at that time on how the organization wrote its message and whether it's just intended for the local officials to read or for its area residents to know. Somehow it's clear that even before the issue became big or even before the local public hearings took place in the area's community centre, no town hall meetings took place that would give area residents the opportunity to voice their concerns or questions, and for New Directions to answer every concern directly. This could have given New Directions the opportunity as well to present its plan or proposal to the community residents, and educating them on how the organization operates, who their clients are, and how its proposed group home will affect the entire community. The town hall meeting should have taken place at the time when the organization was just planning the group home; even before the time when an application for rezoning was required. The supposed feedback from area residents could have helped New Directions strategize its plan. The feedback could also be very valuable in addressing major concerns from area residents at the same time. The two-way communication would certainly bring a lot of things to the surface and would have given New Directions a better platform to introduce itself to the community. This could have also saved New Directions some great deal of time and pain (especially for its clients and their families).

At this time, it comes to no surprise that New Directions had filed a human rights complaint against the RM of Springfield- it does have a valid ground. I anticipate that the legal battle would be a challenging one but no matter what, I think that the community in Springfield needs to relearn that the people they are rejecting are the vulnerable ones. These people could have been their relative, brother, or child.

I just hope that other communities won't copycat what the the RM of Springfield did to New Directions. In a situation like this it's important to ask ourselves this question: "If we won't open our community to people with intellectual, physical, and developmental challenges, who will?"